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Note: This column represents the opinions of the writer and as such, is not purported as fact
Fireworks And The Net 5 November 2002 Edition
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Hey, it's Guy Fawkes again and many a young boy's thoughts turn to the subject of things that go bang.

When I was a young lad (yeah, and dinosaurs roamed the earth) we were blessed with ready access to all manner of explosives and projectiles marketed under the general heading of "fireworks".

(Un)fortunately, today's kids are limited to expensive things that come in impressive containers but end up just going "phut" and spewing a few pitiful sparks onto the lawn.

I'm afraid that words such as "double-happy" and "tom-thumb" have disappeared from the vocabulary of our young pyromaniacs.


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Updated 29-Oct-2002

Now we're told by, those self-appointed experts who claim to know best, that banning firecrackers, skyrockets and just about anything else that might have made Guy Fawkes the slightest fun, has been done in our own best interests.

Yes, that's right -- we're being told that the IQ and commonsense-quotient of the average Kiwi has fallen so much in the past decade or two, that we can't be trusted with things that make a noise or whoosh a couple of hundred feet into the night sky.

What next? Will we all have to swap our stainless steel dinner knives for plastic ones because we can't be trusted not to cut ourselves while eating dinner?

Readers Say
(updated irregularly)
  • Incendiary devices... - Chris
  • Fireworks... - Charlie

    From Yesterday...

  • I hope the power cord isn't... - Domini
  • Adverts evil?... - Allister
  • Have a book handy... - Chris
  • Control of digital media... - Peter
  • Have Your Say
    Okay, so I'm being ridiculous (again) and grossly overstating the situation.

    But the reality is that young boys (especially teenage ones) are still very interested in things that go "bang" and, at this time of year, there's a very good chance some will consider making their own fireworks.

    Back in the prehistoric days of my youth, I used to make most of my own fireworks from ingredients that were readily available from the local garden centre and supermarket (the results of this stupidity will be documented in great detail in my next book). The recipe for such concoctions was well known long before the Internet came on the scene.

    Perhaps we were more resilient than today's kids -- I mean, look at me -- I still have all my fingers and both eyes, although I'm willing to concede that this may be more likely attributed to good luck than good sense.

    Of course I certainly can't recommend that anyone make their own fireworks. Unless you know exactly what you're doing you *can* cause yourself (and others) significant injury.

    But back to the Net.

    Are there still recipes for explosives on the Net?

    You bet!

    In just a few short minutes I found the instructions for building a plethora of devices and mixtures for things and stuff that goes bang. Nitroglycerin, potato cannons, gunpowder, etc, etc. You name it -- it's out there.

    So what are "those who know what's best for us" going to do about all this potentially lethal information floating around in cyberspace?

    It would not surprise me if, particularly in these "war against terrorism" times, our government (and possibly even that of the USA) pass laws which categorise such bomb recipes as "illegal" and, just like kiddie porn, being found with such things on your PC's hard drive could result in a stiff fine or even a prison sentence.

    Could it be that the most significant contraband of the 21st century will not be drugs, guns, or weapons of mass destruction -- but information?

    And how paradoxical it would be if this information became contraband mainly because the Net has made its dissemination and distribution so very easy.

    I find it really sad and insulting that as the years pass, government seems to have an increasingly low opinion of the average citizen's ability to make decisions for themselves. If things keep going the way they are, we'll eventually end up relinquishing all our rights in exchange for total safety. Maybe the frightened, wimpy little bureaucrats who run the country don't realise it but there's a direct relationship between risk, excitement and the enjoyment of life.

    Let's try "educating" people rather than "forbidding" them for a change.

    But kids -- DON'T be tempted to make bombs and fireworks from recipes you find on the Net. In my quick perusal of this information (and as someone who has been stupid enough to make his own explosives) I've noticed that much of the information is incomplete and downright dangerous. Even experts are sometimes killed by making the tiniest of mistakes -- what chance to amateurs have if luck isn't on their side?

    Besides, chances are that half this stuff was typed up by someone using a braille keyboard and using the one working finger on the only hand they (now) have.

    So, instead spending the rest of your life with only half the regular inventory of appendages, just pop down to The Warehouse and get one their Mega-phut boxes.

    Or you could just set fire to a little pile of $10 notes -- more excitement for the same cash-outlay.

    If you want to have your say on the contents of today's column then please do so. Only comments marked "For Publication" will (if I have time) be published in the readers' comments section.


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